Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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