Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
