I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
