in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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