What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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