Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
