And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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