I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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