at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love having hate sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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