we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
