Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
