Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
