It's Friday. Sex?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
