the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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