went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
