I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
