Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
