Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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