im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
