i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
