Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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