So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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