You just made me feel so damn special
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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