come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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