Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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