if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
