running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
