I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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