The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
