she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
