Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
