Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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