READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
