my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
