I hope mine doesn't look like that
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
