if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
