He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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