The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
