i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
