Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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