the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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