Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
