Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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