well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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