It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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