I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
