possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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