fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
