She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
