yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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