Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We left the knife in your bed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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