Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
