Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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