I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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