Tell her she can't have a vagina
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
