I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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