my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
