When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
