Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the raccoons are back...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
