oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
