i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
