Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
