Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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