my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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