That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
