I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
