I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
