i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
