Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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