i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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