but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
