everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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