I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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