Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
