woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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